Dazed and Confused

January 29, 2006 - Dazed and confused. I'm not even sure if those are the right words to describe how I've been feeling the past couple of days. Lately, I have been questioning myself on a lot of things that are currently going on in my life and this mid-life evaluation has suddenly sparked a lot of self-doubt and insecurity that I haven't experienced in a long time. Needless to say, these feelings haven't been sitting well with me, and though I still have more good days than bad, it seems like that the happy-go-lucky personality that I've been known to have suddenly seems to have disappeared.

Case in point, the past couple of days, I have been forced to make some tough decisions about where my life is heading. With each problem, I find myself asking if I making the right decisions and whether I'm doing things that are truly making me happy, or if I'm just going with the flow?

It's especially hard for me since I'm already not really good with making simple decisions. When these decisions involve more than one person though, the need to consider feelings and emotions become even more important. That's where the confusion comes in. For example, what do you do when something that you know is wrong, yet feels so right? Do I make a rational decision with my head then, or an emotional one from the heart?

The confusion part also comes in when others expect you to act a specific way, or when others set up paths to help you make the decision that you don't necessary believe in. It's disappointing when that happens - it's as if I'm not good enough to make my own decision about what I want and you have to make the decision for me - sacrificing yourself to help me make the decision-making easier (and not telling me about it) isn't going to help with anything - it just adds more confusion to the situation.

Dazed.

Confused.

A little disappointed too...